The excruciating pains of learning Japanese

Hello, dear random people I've never met. 

Now that we're over the boring and lame trip to Shikoku, we can talk about real stuff. There are so many things to say here, so many different aspects of the Japanese culture to introduce and to critisize, it's too much, I can't choose...

I don't feel like making fun of the Japanese people and their weird way of thinking and being, so I'll just trash the Japanese language instead. And tell you how infuriating it is to try to learn it. Gather around and open up your ears, children. (but don't worry, I'll make fun of the Japanese people next time).

The Japanese language feels like a peaceful melody to my ears, after years of German torture, and the grammar is relatively easy to understand and to learn. So what's the problem? 2 things for you. The kanjis. And the different levels of politeness. 

 

1/ Learn the kanjis (or die trying)

So basically, and I assume you know nothing about the Japanese language here, the Japs use kanjis and 3 alphabets. Well, technically they don't really use the 3rd one, the romaji, it's just for transliteration for names of shops or companies. So let's focus on the kanjis and the 2 other weirdos. 

The Japanese language is a mix of the 3: they use kanjis (pictograms having one meaning or refering to one specific thing), link them together with hiragana and if they are some English or foreign words involved, they will be written in katakana. 

What, you're not following me? Jeez, I'm giving you a free lesson about the Japanese language so the least you could do is pay attention, don't you think? Ok, I'll make an effort this time and show you an example. 

Quoted from the Japanese Wikipedia article 'International Whaling Commission'

 

Just look at each sign. Can you tell the difference? Quick tip, if you have headaches just from looking at it, chances are high it will be a kanji. Yop, these little suckers are weird. They were imported from China a looooooooooong time ago (or more than that, I forgot) - and there are about 50 000 in the Japanese language. Calm down! In order to survive daily life you are supposed to know about 2000 (!). And with 500 kanjis you'll understand about 60% of  a Wikipedia article about the Greenpeace actions in Japan, for instance. I know about 20. 

The best part about those little basta*** is that a kanji can be pronounced in different ways. And have different meanings. And some just look the same. Try learning that! Well, they can go to hell if they want my advice. Ok, there is one good thing: you can make your way around without kanjis. This awful and disturbing sentense: 京都 　の　大学　は　面白い　です。 can also be written in hiragana:　きょうと　の　だいがく　は　おもしろい　です。Much better, right? 

Because the hiragana and katakana are real sillabary alphabets, that you can learn easily, provided you have a functional brain, which is rare nowadays.

So why on Earth did they feel the urge to mix all of them? Was it because the Japanese were hipsters and anti-mainstream, and didn't want people to think they are followers of China? Or because they just wanted to be a massive pain in the a**? 

Actually it's because they started using Chinese characters that were not really fitting the Japanese language: Chinese is just ugly and weird, whereas Japanese is more sophisticated and refined; also because Japanese use prepositions that don't come as kanji-to-go. So they created the round and cute hiragana, and later on, the sharp and deadly katakana. 

So, a few advices while reading (or pretending you are) a Japanese text:

- if it's cute, round, has less than 4 lines: congratulations! It's a hiragana.

- if it's sharp, deadly, has less than 4 lines: congratulations! It's a katakana.

- if it has a lot of small lines, if it looks complicated, if they conglomerate: it's´a kanji. Pass your way or open Google Translate.

- if you can read it without any problem (provided you can read the roman alphabet): it's romaji! Have a good laugh, because generally, it won't make much sense. See this: 

Say what?

Anyway. So much about the kanjis: you just need to learn them, and then you're good. But now comes the funny part: the damn well-know politeness of the crazy Japanese people that prevents you from having normal conversations. 

2/ Politeness is for suckers

Yes. Because you can sweat your a** off to learn your vocabulary, learn the grammar, practice in front of your mirror and all of this for what? Des nèfles! as we say in France. I knew it before but I first experienced it here, while hitchhiking and talking to random people, old and young: there are different registers of Japanese: über-formal, formal, polite, casual+, casual/friendly, and my all time favourite, the yakuza style. 

Ok, I'm going a bit too far, there. But there are at least 4 levels, using a different vocabulary and different synthax. I know what you uptight morons will say: each language has its own levels of polite style. Just stop, you're making a fool of yourself, I'll answer: each language, except the hard but nevertheless beautiful Japanese language, use a common base with a few variations corresponding to the social situation of the speakers. And in Japan, IT ALWAYS F***** DEPENDS! There is no common base. You can meet older people who will talk to you in a casual and colloquial way, while some other old farts will speak with you in the pedantic style. And then people of your age will use the polite/neutral register, or the casual style.

It's not that hard to switch from neutral/polite style to casual, but if you are used to certain words and certain sentence patterns, it's kind of irritating to have to switch. Especially if you can't: our textbook teaches us the polite/neutral form; I get most of the casual form, but I'll keep answering in a polite way. Which is quite ridiculous.

Here's an example of the different levels (meaning: what are you doing?)

Über-pedantic: Nani o nasaimasu ka? 

Neutral / polite: Nani o shimasu ka?
Casual: Nani o suru ka?
Yakuza / bad boyz style: Nani o shiyagare, temee? 

So that's it. You talk to some people and you more or less understand what they say, you start mixing polite/neutral with casual, and at some point it doesn't make much sense anymore and you get kicked out of formal dinners with the Ambassador because you said 'pass the salt, bro'. This neverending quest is hopeless!

  

Golden Week: Hiroshima, part 3 (finally)

Am I ever going to stop talking about this boring trip that I took 3 weeks ago?! I'm also tired of it, so don't worry, this post will be the last about it! Damn! There are so many things to talk about and I'm like an old cat-lady, drivelling about the glory of her past youth.

After this post we can start talking about serious adult stuff (not that yet... but a visit to a love hotel is planed at some moment...)

Anyway. Just pull yourself together, we're almost done! Oh and by the way, just noticed how bad the quality of my pictures are, so this post is as good as useless. But stop complaining or go to hell.

I arrived in Hiroshima after a nice ferry trip. Ferries make me so happy I could cry ! I met my Couchsurfer, a nice Japanese girl with real English skills - which is very rare around here (not that the other CSers sucked at English). She's not really hosting right now as she lives with her parents, but she made an exeption for me. See, writing nice personalised requests (where you promise cooking delicious French dishes knowing you probably won't) prevents you from sleeping under a bridge and catching a cold! 

We walked around, saw the weird 'flower festival', which is some street festival with stages, weird traditional dance performances, stands of food and what ever. For the record, street fairs are as boring as in any other country, and there are the same amount of drunk people. And of sunburnt people. By the way have you ever seen a sunburnt Japanese? It's definitely worth a round trip to Japan. 

Hence the name 'flower festival'

After the fair we landed at the Peace Memorial Park, that you can see on the picture. I thought it was named after the Peace Nobel Price Japan won for stopping the whale hunt, but apparently it's because the city was bombed during World War II. I'm sure it's a marketing trick of the city, they just made that up. Come on, Americans destroying an entire city and killing thousands of civilians? No way! Wait... No it does seem legit after all. 

So the Genbaku dome (peace dome), one of the few buildings that survived the bombing, was built in 1915 by a Czech architect whose name didn't make it to the undevelopped brain cells in charge of my memory.

The dome stood because Chuck Norris was there.

The spot 600 meters upon which the bomb exploded is now a place pilgrimage for Guerilla Knitting.

What did we do next? Ahh I know. Remember when I said I suck at being organised? Well, it's true, again and again. I actually was travelling around Shikoku knowing I would come home via a night bus from Hiroshima to Kyoto on Sunday evening - because I had a Japanese test on Monday morning. But do you think I had bought my ticket? No, of course not. That would be too much thinking at once. I had checked at the beginning of the trip and the bus was almost empty - and at some point I tried to buy it online in Itaka, but it didn't work, so I just thought, hey it's ok, I'll just do it later. May I remind you that I was planing on travelling on the last day of a National holiday? The idea that the bus might be sold out in between might have crossed my mind a few seconds but didn't stay long enough for me to worry.

So in Hiroshima, I ask my CSer if she can take me to the bus station for a ticket home. I went to some desk and I was told that the night buses are full since 3 weeks. Ahahahaaha! Those Japanese people surely have a weird sense of humor. Wait, you're serious?

He was serious. So a funny idea popped in my mind: after trying out the rural areas and mastering the art of the Thumb, why not check out the mainland? Why not hitchhike 300 km on a highway? I ended up not doing that, but I gave this idea a lot of thoughts, and I still think it's possible. And I will definitely try it out one day. You just need to find a way to get you on a highway entrance, then smile and wait. And change rides at highway rest-areas. It's on! I thought, back in Hiroshima. Let's give it a go! But my CSer almost fainted at the idea of me hitchhiking at dusk, and tried to talk me out of it. I wasn't listening, I was already picturing me writing a post on this blog saying how cheap life can be. Ok, I was also picturing me not arriving in time for the exam, but who cares? 

At the end, we went home. And I had a great idea (I have some sometimes, it kind of compensates the bullsh** I keep doing): I checked the internet site of the bus company. You never know, I thought. And I was right! Apparently we went to a desk of another company, as the online bus company I was planing to take doesn't really have a real desk. Follow me? No? Get a brain. I was tricked because those suckers have buses leaving at the same time, same place, for the same price. Anyway, the bus I wanted to take was almost empty, so I could get my nice ticket. And avoid causing a CVA to my CSer and her parents, who thought I was crazy. Was not!

In order to celebrate those good news, we had dinner. To my great fortune, I was not meant to cook that night. My CSer's family invited me to the restaurant and we had Okonomiyaki, Hiroshima style. Never heard of it? People, stop thinking that Japanese people just eat sushi and soup the whole time. Give them some credit. 

Okonomiyaki is a dish that I am too lazy to describe, but basically it's a mix of an omelette with a bunch of chopped cabbage, and you top a special sauce and mayonaise on it. Here they add a kind of pancake and soba noodles to the receipe, and it's delicious. Okonomiyaki Hiroshima style is so good it literally blows your brains out, that's why it's called Hiroshima (this one is not from me but from Vickou).

Mmmmh I can't resist uploading a picture. 

  

The following day, we went to the Peace Memorial Museum, where I got the confirmation that Americans are not very nice. And that Japanese are funny people. 

The 2011 government apparently didn't get the memo, while dealing with Fukushima

By the way, this museum was very interesting, so if you are around, go there. Makes you dislike nuclear bombs. 

Then we went to Miyajima. You perhaps never heard of it, but you've surely seen the picture of the floating tori in front of a Shinto temple. Miyajima is an island located about 15km away from Hiroshima, that you can reach very easily by ferry. So my CSer took me there for the afternoon. The floating tori looks like this: 

 

I mean. It looks like this for normal tourists. But since I suck, and since life wanted to stab me in the back one last time before letting me go, of course it looked like this: 

Picture called 'loser'

Will life ever stop pissing on my bonfire? We can all agree on this that I'm not responsible in anyway for the renovations of this stupid tori. This time, I didn't screw up. Come on, life, tell me why you're being such a b**** here. Is it because I swear too much? Because I don't believe in God?! Because I once lied and said I am allergic to sea food just because I didn't feel like eating it?

Anyway, like I said, it takes more than that to take me down. Try harder, life. I will probably never go back to Miyajima and I was deeply looking forward to seeing this tori, but you won't manage to take my optimism away. 

So we went back to Hiroshima, had dinner, then I took my bus, which was almost empty. So I could take off my stinky shoes (yeah I just had 2 pairs of socks for the whole trip), lie down and sleep.

Good news, everyone: this is the end of the Golden Week trip!  No boring post anymore!

Golden Week: Shikoku part 2

Shikoku! 

The rest of the trip was considerably better. The day afterwards, I spent the morning in Takamatsu, visiting the Ritsurin koen, self proclaimed 'one of the most wonderful gardens in Japan'. Which was nice, but now I know I won't fall for that kind of scam again, especially for 5€. Judge by yourself. 

What'eva.

The garden was nice, though not the best I saw or will ever see. Of course still better than Görlitzer Park. Anyway, spending 2 hours there allowed me to see interesting things about Japan.

Who said the natality rates are sinking?

Child labour in Japan: cute hats, uniforms, no whips.

Those kiddies were picking tea leaves. How nice! So next time you enjoy a cup of Sensha, have a nice thankful thought for them.

The rest of the park was also interesting: 

No need to fight, Sauron: you can't control the Ents.

Then I left and went to eat Udon. It's a kind of thick noodles made of wheat, and are supposed to come from Shikoku, though I can't confirm this information since I don't trust anybody anymore. 

Unluckily for me my camera battery died, so no pictures of the Udon. Too bad, since the restaurant was really nice: first you pay, they give you a bowl, you cook your own Udon, then you add some toppings (I went for tofu), and things like chives and sesame seeds. Then the broth. And you cry because it's so good!

Then I left for Itaka, on the west of the island. My travel guide wasn't saying a word about this peninsula but I gave my impulsivity a go, and decided to go there. Plus, there was a nice normal CSer (speak: not Japanese) who was ready to welcome me. So this time, I double checked the train infos and switched for a cheaper local train. Which went along the beautiful scenic coast. I changed trains at Matsuyama for Yamatahama (yep names can be confusing here), and the ride lasted longer but it was worth it. Watching the sunset from a train is not bad. Well there will plenty of that during the trans-siberian experience, so I shouldn't start bragging about that. 

And finally I made my way to Itaka, small port village at the beginning of the Sadamisaki peninsula. The CS was a lot of fun to be with, it's always cool to meet people who understand irony! Those two days were a lot fun, but I still managed to screw up, at least a bit. And as I arrived, it started raining. Of course.

The road to the end of the Peninsula is supposed to be breathtaking at some point, because it gets so narrow that you can see both the Pacific Ocean and the inland sea (there's another name for it but who cares?). So when it rains, you can see that:

Nice view

So, yeah, basically rain sucks. And of course, I tried to hitchhike, but try that when clouds are vomiting cats and dogs and we'll talk again. After 3 minutes I stopped and caught a bus, that had magically appeared out of nowhere.

Arrived to the last city on the peninsula and didn't feel like hitchhiking further, though I could have gone further: the road continued for 10 km, leading to a lighthouse. This will be referred to as one of the most stupid ideas of my life: Apparently, and this I learned of course later, the streams of both the ocean and the inland see form, when they meet, weird 'whirlpools' on the surface, and it's supposed to be beautiful. But of course, I was lazy, saddened by the weather, not willing to stand under the rain for another hour in the hopes of finding a nice person who could take me there. 

Because you have to know that not all cars would stop for you: hitchhiking is not Japan's national sport, so it's definitely weird for them. But some are willing to help, so they stop; and if they do, it's almost sure they would make a huge detour for you, or even make a U-turn to help you reach your destination. Anyway, I now prefer to ask car drivers going out of parking lots, because they are already stopped and you have the chance to talk and smile and pretend you can speak Japanese. 

So I didn't feel like waiting and getting too wet. By the way I noticed in Chile that my shoes have a hole, hence my recitence to standing with my feets in a puddle. So I just walked around, and for the record, by doing that, I also got wet. But at least I was walking. I walked on the shore and had fun - it was wonderful. 

Wuthering heights

Then I went home with a nice Japanese guy who drove me back to Itaka. He told me he had just been to the lighthouse to see the 'whirpools' and that it was absolutely gorgeous. For a few seconds I could picture myself killing him, stealing his car and driving back to the lighthouse. But my conscience, sense of morality and the fear of being caught and deported were stronger, so I just smiled. And went home.

The day after that, I had to head back to Matsuyama, where I would spend 2 nights (before taking a ferry to Hiroshima). And of course, cheapo as usual, I decided to hitchhike, passing through 2 nice cities on the way: Ozu and Uchiko. And the weather was sunny that day: why not give it a try?
From Ikata to the next city, you can take either an express way, or take a less travelled road going along the sea, that should be quite cool. I had started walking a bit in this direction, and it was so nice I just stopped and went for a swim. Thanks Photoshop and Tara-san!

Greenpeace 'stop whale hunting' campagne

I wanted to take this road to the next city. So I walked towards this road a bit, and after a few meters, I raised my thumb and one car stopped. This is when I discovered that lying isn't always a good thing: because when I said some crap about me having to take a train and being late, the guy gave me a ride, which was very nice of him - but then he made a U turn and took the expressway. Adieu nice scenic route. Which was very nice of him. But still, I was so pissed that he didn't take the route with the view. I tried to tell him that I would prefer to avoid taking the express way, but since my case was built on the fact that I was late and going to miss my (fake) train, I couldn't said anything when he said the other route was quicker. Which, again, was nice of him. Still: DAMN. YOU. MORON. By the way this is typically French to insult somebody who just helped you. Or typically me. Get used to it.

After another change of lift, I arrived in Ozu, famous for its more or less newly rebuilt castle, which I didn't visit because it looked ugly, and to be honest, it was too expensive. I was sweating my ass off to get free rides so I was not going to waste money in stupid new age castles. Instead, I went to Garyo Sanso, an old Japanese house built a loooong time ago. I lost the flyer saying when. It was cool.

View from the patio

View from the tea house, which is a small house hanging over the river

With my friend, who won an Oscar© for her interpretation of the leaning Tower of Pisa

Vous aimez? C'est chez moi. C'est francais.

After that I headed to Uchiko, hometown of many things, such as the oldest Kabuki theater in Japan: the Uchiko-za theater. Wait, somebody's telling me in my earphone that the oldest theater is located somewhere else, so forget the last sentense. This time I didn't lose the flyer and I can tell you it was built in 1916.

Thanks for ruining my picture, suckers. May your child be crack dependent in 15 years

Stand-up comedy night: Tom Cruise's come back

The rest of the city is supposed to be nice but I thought it was way too touristy, too clean, too over-priced. Damn you all!

So again, I hitchhiked to Matsuyama. It was cool: I basically found the road, waited at a bus stop, raised my thumb, waited 7 minutes and hop, somebody stopped. This was a funny conversation: from what I understood, he had just spent the weekend in the mountains visiting his 97 year old mother who was running a marathon. Seriously? Ok, if you say so. He gave me oranges and dropped me in the center, so this guy is basically number 1 (Update: got a ride today from a festival back to Kyoto, and the 2 guys were quite fun: they invited me to their housewarming party next month - I said I would come if they had champagne).

Matsuyama! What is there to say about this city? With about 2 Million the biggest of Shikoku, and I still felt like I'm in Bédarieux, France. Quiet, but still funky (well, Bédarieux is not really funky, actually). My Couchsurfer was a crazy Japanese puppet master. He gave me this wonderful yukata (kimono for the summer or for indoor), with which I walked around one evening.

In a mall. People were looking suspiciously.

Otherwise, I went to the Dogo Onsen, a big common bath with hot thermal water. Come on, I told you already what onsen are. Focus!

The back of the Onsen featuring the winners of this month's contest 'old fart'

No need to lure me with your gap-toothed smile and your loverboy pose, I won't get on your man-powered bike. Don't you have self-esteem?

 After that I went to visit the castle, which, this one, is worth the visit. And I realise now that I don't have a full picture of the castle, but just google it if you're interested. You're here to read my witty and acerb comments anyway, who cares about the pictures?

View from the Castle

It was quite fun, because it was possible to try on samurai outfits. Which I did! By the way, I should feel bad for not respecting your traditions and your culture, dear Japanese people. But hey, I'll apologize when you'll manage to pronounce my name correctly.

My Ledge, King of Fashion, ruler of the Hipsters, I take an oath to protect you until my very last breath.

Before leaving for the ferry station (and being f**** late for it), I went to visit the temple n°51 of the list. Wait, didn't I mention it? Soooo sorry. There is a pilgrimage that freaks or retired people do in Shikoku: there are 88 Buddhist temples (named after the crazy 88's of Kill Bill) and, well, 2 hours before leaving the island, I felt like visiting at least one. So I went to the closest, and it was interesting. My first Buddhist temple, b****! There was something like a tunnel linking the temple area with a road on the other side... No freaking idea why.

Entrance to the Palace of Pankot

You know that feeling, when you are in the dark with no clue where you are going or where the path is leading, you start thinking about The Blair Witch Project, or about Rec? Creepy.

New ways of hiding cell phone antennas

So, this is a pagoda of the temple, but I still need to find out which one is the freaking temple, since there were many different constructions. Buuuh too complicated.

After that, I ran fast to take the ferry to Hiroshima. Yeepee! Ferries are so cool! I discovered my new passion. After graduation I'll enroll as a marine!

Golden Week: Shikoku part 1

Hello people! 

So I had arrived in Takamatsu in Shikoku, after a disastrous first day in Kobe. The 4 hours ferry ride was ok: I went to the 'women only' tatami room and tried to get some sleep without having to worry about my ass getting grabbed by some disgusting Japanese islander. By the way what if there are lesbians in the 'women only' rooms? Never though of that, right? 

After 3 1/2 hours they played a ridiculous pop song about how great the ferry company was - well I didn't get any of the words beside the name of the ferry company, but I guess the lyrics were laudatory. Can't imagine a choir singing "we're always late, we don't rebate, we have high mortality rate, and our fleet's from a balkan state"!

So, Takamatsu. The CS was waiting for me at the station and we went directly to their place. It was 1 am at that point, and I was just longing for a good night of sleep. But instead of that my CS asked me what were my plans for the day after, and he helped me build the perfect day. I wanted to go to the Iya valley, that is supposed to be wonderful. Though very hard to access without a private mean of transportation. Damn countryside! Can't they have highways and buses driving through? There was a train I had to take, then a bus, then I forgot. The Iya valley is famous for its かずら橋 (Kazura Bashi): weird hanging bridges, its nice river and one great onsen (hot water thermal source, AKA a spa). A day would be enough to see most of the things and go back to Takamatsu on the evening, so everything was fine. I had the timetables of the train, buses, even the price, and relative location of the onsen and the bridges. So I went to bed and got up early the following day. 

Statistically speaking, the odds were really high that I would screw up again. After the first day in Kobe, I had given up my hopes and dreams of enjoying myself and actually have a great vacation. Nothing indicated that my bad luck or stupidity would suddently reverse course or stop: but at least, I was aware that something bad was going to happen. And guess what? It did! 

So from what the CS told me, a one way train trip would cost about 15€, a stop in the spa about 10€, and buses and so wouldn't be expensive. So I had the equivalent of 60€ in my wallet, which should have been enough. Notice the 'should have been', suggesting the imminence of an unforseen event? 

When I got in the train and bought the ticket on board, the train clerk (by the way, did you notice that 'clerk' rhymes with 'jerk'? Coincidence? I don't think so) told me it was twice the expected price: 29€. Still tired, lacking strength and reactivity, I paid. Then I realised that it was f**** expensive and way not what I was told. I also realised that I didn't have money to pay for a return ticket, if I wanted to do everything I wanted to do and see that day. By the way, in case you were wondering, the ticket I had bought was just one way - I'm not that stupid.

Great way of beginning the day, right? So what did I do when I arrived in the tiny winy village of Oboke? What does a normal, decent human being accustomed to city life and its conveniencies do, when he needs money? Go to the nearest bank and draw money out. And what does a normal human being do when he needs money in the f**** middle of nowhere, on a national holiday? Yes, thank you damn Golden Week! Laugh. And cry. Of course the only ATM accepting foreign cards was the post office, and do you think they would be open on a national holiday? Mmmmh? 

Honestly, since I had already lost hope and faith, I suddently realised I didn't give a damn. I knew I wanted to see the bridges, walk a bit along the river, and go to the onsen. I would have liked to eat something at some point, but I told my stomac that food wasn't on the agenda. 

But if I could manage to do all this, I wouldn't be able to go home. And I did something that, I'm sure, you also do when you are out of resources: I postponed the resolution of the problem. Come on, I'll think about it later! Now I'll try to make the most of this lousy day. By the way did I mention it started raining? 

There is something that cheapos do when they want to travel without spending too much money. Something I had never done alone in my life, something that I knew is dangerous for solo women. Something that my parents warned me about. Something that I was dying to try. Hitchhiking! And guess what? It worked perfectly. I'm sure Japan is the only country in the world where a girl could hitchhike topless and still reach her destination without any problem. Try that in Pakistan!

So I hitchhiked. I showed my thumb, prepared my best smile and waited 5 minutes. Then a car full of Japanese tourists from Osaka stopped and took me to the bridge. By the way, hitchhiking is the best way on Earth to practice your broken Japanese (if you hitchhike in Japan - I doubt you can practice Japanese while hitchhiking from Niamey to Ouagadougou, but hey, nothing's impossible). So I passed my diploma in Smalltalking cum laude.
Arrived at the bridge, was nice. I didn't cross it, since the view musn't be that awesome while on it, and it costs the equivalent of 5€. And because money doesn't magically fall out of rich tourists' wallets - and I still have to work on my pickpocketing skills.

El bridgo

Damn rich organized tourists

Actually the bridge was nice, but it's still not the real, authentic Argentinian experience I'm looking for. So I left and walked a bit around. 

Forgot the name of the river.

So I walked around, had fun, and then took off to try to find the onsen and spend the little money I had left. I heard the onsen is just next to the river, and you can enjoy sauna, normal inside and outdoor pools. The idea of soaking in hot thermal water while watching the river flowing by was the only thing that was keeping me sane - it was the glue holding my mental stability together.

So I took extra care looking for it. The map I had on my travel guide indicated a location to the north - but my map wasn't very precise. So when I found a touristic board with the locations of every point of interest in the surroundings, I trusted it. Because of course, you believe local maps more than an outdated 2008 travel guide.

The proof

People, I hope you know where all this is leading: in the wall. I got a ride from a nice Japanese guy to the place indicated on this map. And when I got there, it seemed a bit modern, but I try not to judge people on their physical appearance so why should I do it for onsens? 

I got inside and tried to get a discount based on my low IQ, but I had forgotten my certificate at home, so I had to pay full price. 

By the way at that point, I managed to ask the jer... clerk if he knew the exact price of a train ticket back to Takamatsu, from a closer city - I was thinking that I could hitchhike for a few kilometers and then take the train.

And there I had a good laugh. He called the train station to ask, and then he told me that it would be about 13€. WTF???? So why did I pay 29€ for one way? He told me, and I managed to understand, that I had taken an express train, that was double the price. A local train would have lasted 1 hour more and be definitely cheaper. Do you think the Couchsurfer, who actually told me to take the express train, would have told me that? Take my word for it: trust no one.

Back to the modern onsen. I was considerably pissed, angered and willing to kill any bearer of the Japanese nationality at that point. But, as I thought at that moment, I was about to enter a relaxing and peaceful place that would help me access a state of forgiveness and leniency to this cruel world.

So when I entered the onsen, I was a bit surprised. Ok, the sauna is there, the indoor thermal pool is here. That's it? Oh wait, there's a door to the rear, let's check it out. As I opened the door, I felt that something was wrong. The river was way too far away! My sense of orientation had trapped me once again. This was not the right onsen. The map was addled.

The rear door was only leading to a 2m² small pool with a fence made of plastic bamboos, too high to enable people to see anything from the beautiful surroundings, made to protect the lady's intimacy from the men's look. Well guess what? You can stuff your plastic fence up your a** because I couldn't care less if some dirty perve wanted to check me out. I didn't risk not being able to go home just to sit around in some old water surrounded by PVC, not even being able to see the river, the valley, the nature! ! !

I officially hate the Shikoku tourism board and any people having even the tiniest relation to the tourism industry in Japan. Yes, I hate you all. Would it have been too hard to mention the good onsen on the map? I admit that I have my part in screwing up most of my travels, but this time you're the one that sucked. So damn you.

So I just lost it. I stayed in the onsen for about an hour, then left. Managed to hitchhike around and stopped next to the river, again. And walked. I was too depressed to think of other things to do in the surroundings - when life sends you that kind of bad waves, you can do nothing but acknowledge and grit your teeth. So I did. And kept walking under the rain.

The river was nice though.

But come on people, you know me. You know it takes more than two screwed-up days in a row to put me down. Since I was unable to decide on where to go, and not willing to risk landing in remote places with no cars passing by, and since it was raining, I decided to go home. But wait up: life was owing me one. I had arrived on a big parking lot next to the road, and started asking people going out of the shops if they were, by chance going to the next city on the way to Takamatsu. I asked 3 or 4 cars with no luck, but when I asked this Japanese couple, they said 'Koboke? No, we're going to Takamatsu!', it felt as if angels themselves were taking care of my fate and of my wounded wallet. So I had managed, just like that, to find a direct ride for a city that lies 80km away. Not bad for a beginner! 


Anyway. Just thinking of that day makes me shiver and regret that the end of the world won't happen in December. So I'll go for now.

Golden Week: Kobe

Hello, suckers !

It's been a while, I know. You missed me? Me too! Kidding. I was too busy having a good time!

I should write something about daily life, university stuff, seeing a geisha show, my lousy Japanese knowledge, the karate class I'm taking, life without a cell phone... But instead I'll write about my trip to Shikoku last week, during the Golden Week. During this week where 3 days are national holidays, there is no school (well... that was my own interpretation I guess) and no work. Say no more, I thought! I'm off to discover this crazy country! 

BTW don't ask me silly questions like 'why is it called the Golden Week?' because seriously, who gives a damn?

A friend and I were supposed to go to South Korea, but then no. So I looked at a map, noticed the closeness to the island of Shikoku and did what I always do in case of doubt: I logged to Couchsurfing, where I checked the people around this island. Found nice and crazy people, sent a load of requests, checked the prices and timetables of ferries, trains, and night bus back to Kyoto. And then everything was settled.

Check this map out, if your lack of general knowledge prevents you from already knowing the area.  

Made with love

Stolen from GoogleMaps, hence the low quality, AH!

So this weird trip would first lead me to Kobe, then by ferry to Shikoku, messing around in the Northern part of the island, then ferry to Hiroshima for 1 1/2 days, leaving on Sunday evening by night bus. By the way I had a scheduled Japanese test on Monday morning. Me, crazy? Come on. No risk no fun! (You know I wouldn't be mentioning it if something big wasn't coming...)

History has shown us that if I am anyhow involved in a trip, chances are high it will end in a desastrous way. This time not as badly as the Chilean expedition, though. But don't worry, tears of despair have been shed. 

I guess I should start with the beginning. Before leaving I had double-checked the time tables of the ferry from Kobe, asking my CS in Shikoku to translate the internet site. Since I was going to take a ferry on the Sunday preceding the GW, I was somehow anticipating that something wrong was going to happen. But he said that everything was fine and that the schedules were normal. 

So I visited Kobe on this sunny Sunday morning and spent 2 hours there. Cute city, has an interesting old-victorian-houses neighbourhood, called Kitano, that feels like San Francisco. The city is also very hilly. 

Ooops! This is not what I meant by victorian style.

I absolutely loved the Moegi house, built in 1903 for some US consul or something.

Ah, that's more like it.

May I get you some tea?

The house had been damaged by the 1995 earthquake, but has been restaured since and still looks authentic. The rooms are furnished like in the good old times. 

From there, I went to the port to buy my ferry ticket that was supposed to leave a few hours later, at 15h30. In case you are wondering, I hadn't called the company to booked a ticket, as ferry usually aren't crowded. And... well. I arrived at the port, happy to be early, eager to give the cashier my precious savings in exchange for promissing overseas adventures. And then he said something that did sound like the next ferry was leaving at 20h15. 

Ouch. Wait, didn't I ask the CS to make sure my ferry was going to be on time? Damn. Apparently the schedules were different on a Golden Week Sunday. Since I stopped relying on myself in March 2012, I was sincerely hoping I could count on other people, but apparently I can't. 

Anyway. So I gathered my thoughts and tried to ignore that little voice in my head that was mocking me: the ferry lasts about 4 hours. I would be arriving in Takamatsu after 12am - and my CSers were a couple with young children. Would they still be sleeping? Should I stay one night in a hostel? Should I delay my trip? I found a payphone to call them and ask directly. Ahah. An automatic voice said something like 'your call cannot be completed as dialed'. Wait, am I so stupid to the extent of being physically unable to note down a number that was given to me, or had my CS set a curse on me? Is my karma that bad? 

So, what could I do? I considered going home and staying there. By home, I meant Europe. But then I thought that I could simply check online to see if my IQ was in deed below 30, or if my CS hated me and had given me a wrong number. But I wasn't keen on spending money for an internet connection: yes, I'm a disgusting cheapo. But you like that way, otherwise you wouldn't be reading those lines. For the record, 30 minutes costs about 1€, but hey, it's 1€ I could spend on other things like FOOD. I made a deal with myself:

- find free internet. 

- check if the number I had written down is correct. If yes --> I would be treating myself with sweet things I could buy with the money saved; if no --> I would be depressed for being so stupid so I would definitely need something sweet to eat. 

- send a message to the CS asking for new number, or calling him with the real number.

So, in a world where you have to pay for things as simple as water, where can you get free internet access? I'm not talking about wifi, as I hadn't brought my computer with me. Luckily, my experience of being cheapo taught me a few tricks over the years. First: never underestimate the kindness of human nature. Second: learn how to inspire compassion. And third: high class hotels sometimes offer complimentary internet access to their guests.

Keeping those rules in mind, I set my course to the next 4 stars hotel. 

And there I almost had it: I started in Japanese but quickly after 2 words, switched to English. Mistake. Japanese people hear English, but can't distinguish accents - how can I inspire compassion to somebody immune to the French accent? She said something like they do have a computer room, but they are only for guests. And with this simple sentence God banished me away from the Eden Garden because I had bitten in the Apple of Globalization. 

I learned from this mistake and headed to the next hotel located 50 meters away. I tried my best, and by chance the clerk spoke a few words of French, and was very happy to help a ridiculous French girl needing assistance. Unfortunately the hotel didn't have an internet access, but the man indicated me some other hotel that disposes of such a computer. And off I went. The 3rd attempt was the luckiest: on the way I had prepared some sentences (which would sound like 'I'm sorry, I can't meet my friend, because telephone wrong number, I use internet, it's ok?) and it worked. Nice person. So I checked the number.

Raise your hands, dear readers. Please tell me. How many of you think I wrote it down correctly? How many people still have hope in me? How much faith do I still inspire you? 

And the correct answer is... I was right. I had the good number. From that point I stopped caring about the sake of humanity. Because Couchsurfing had been corrupted. For me there is nothing more sacred than making sure my CSers know how to get to my place, and can contact me by email and cell phone. But anyway. So what could I do? What kind of email should I send? Insults? Kind, polite and diplomatic way of indicating how deep in a cowpat I had landed because of the ferry checking + cell phone number bug? 

I opted for n°2. I kindly asked him to double check the cell phone, and asking if it was ok if I would arrive around 12 am, saying that I could stay in a hotel if it was too late. For the record, I still don't have a Japanese cell phone. This will be the reason for another post another day. So he couldn't contact me with the real number... I had to log in at some other moment later in the afternoon, before taking the ferry. But hey, I had spared about 200 yen (2€) so I was about to feast.

Then I wanted to check the time and noticed I had lost my watch. My dearest, cute little English watch and I took separate paths, to my great sadness. So I had a better reason to stuff myself with transfats - after that I walked around again. Went to the local Chinatown, which is supposed to 'feel like any Chinatown around the world', quoting my lousy guide book. I don't want to brag about the fact that I've seen many, but in deed, I've seen many Chinatowns around the USA, and I'm not talking about the Manhattan tourist crap - and believe me when I say a typical Chinatown stinks, is dirty, the people are impolite, and you can buy weird but not overpriced stuff. Nothing like the clean, neat, organized Chinatown in Kobe. Well, you're in Japan, what can you expect? Anyway. Who cares? They all look the same anyway. Japanese, Chinese, what ever. As you see I was still pissed about my watch and the cell phone wrong number. 

Hope you'll all choke eating your shark fin soup

 

A few hours later, I found another free internet access and had received a message from the CS apologizing, saying I could stay without any problem. So I lived again. Went to the port, and got ready to embark to the ferry to Takamatsu in Shikoku.

That was a big ferry.

Next episode: Shikoku. I think Hiroshima will be the topic of another message... The trip has just started!