Home, Europe

Hello freaks ! 

Yes, you've missed me, so what? I'm finally home, back in good old Berlin, after months of wandering around the world and sh**ty countries. I assume you didn't all forget about my existence of semi-professional loser, so I'll update you about the newest news. How about I start by showing off? 

Argentina was fun but expensive - seriously, since when are third world countries more expensive than France? Now that I think about it, I'm starting to regret having set my course to this nevertheless beautiful country, where I began squandering my savings. Ok, I'll stop wining for once. La Paz and Sao Paulo were cool, and the food was great. And YES, you can survive in Argentina without eating those stupid pampa steaks. 

Chile had beautiful landscapes but was a complete disaster... It showed me that, no matter what, you can only count on yourself. And when it comes to me, you can't even count on yourself. For further questions, refer to my shrink. 

Hong Kong was cooler than expected, probably because there was free Wifi at the airport. I was there for a few hours on a Sunday night, after a 14h30 flight from Los Angeles. My expectations were very low - go to the city, see stuff, eat, see stuff, go back to the airport. I managed to do all of those, and even managed to check my mails! Hong Kong is a weird place though - it's Chinese, but also English, and also very international. HK is basically an upgraded version of China, let's call it China_v.2. 

Japan was as stuck-up as your mother-in-law. Even worse - as stuck up as your mother-in-law having hemorroids. I still had a wonderful time, though, as Japanese people are the nicest in the world. And the landscapes are more than stunning. But still - the society is full of tabous and social rules and peer pressure and stuff. Have you ever listened to the song 'The great pretender' by the Platters? Well, it's a bit like that for Japan. Combined with 'The show must go on' by Queen. 
The Article 1 of the Japanese constitution: "Any attempt of showing or feeling any kind of emotions on Japanese soil shall incur criminal liability and might result in application of the death penalty." (What? This quote is a fake? Damn, that will teach me to quote Wikipedia) 
But who are we to judge? 

South Korea is a great country with nice beaches and FUC**NG typhoons looking forward to ruin your holidays. Yeah, travelling in a typhoony region during typhoon season wasn't the best idea I ever had - especially if the travelling part is done by ferry. During 19 hours. But although I was as seasick as shit, I'd do again, and perhaps a 3rd time. But unlike Bender, that wouldn't be it, I'd keep avoiding those bloody planes and take ferries if there are some available. In the name of environment, anti-mainstream and hipster attitude. 
The spicy food was delicious, although those stupid koreans don't understand the concept of vegetarianism. Damn you all! I always had to make sure they didn't add weird sea food or chicken's eyes in my food. 
Besides, Korea is like a cooler version of stuck-up Japan. Don't get me wrong, they are still somewhat uptight - let's say they are just as stuck-up as your tax collector. 

Russia was a breath of fresh air (and cheap alcohol) . People are way more cooler than in Japan & South Korea - by that I mean that they are way more rude. They will slam the door to your face and tell you to fuck off if you are in their way. In Japan, would they do the same, they would commit seppuku. Sooooo better to deal with direct people. Of course, cheap vodka helps, I guess.  

Oh, I almost forgot Lithuania! Vilnius is cute and feels like a village in the countryside (but seriously, who cares about Lithuania? Raise your hand if you knew this country existed). 



It has been a blast - and I managed not to get stolen, nor to get killed. I never lost my passport and was never bitten by street dogs. There were times were it could have gone bad - like going camping in a NON-waterproof tent when a thunderstorm is coming up, or accepting an invitation to spend the evening playing poker in a countryhouse near Moscow with 8 men from Daghestan, Armenia, Georgia or Azerbaidjan - me being the only girl. Aha.

So what did I learn from those 8 last months? Did I become happier? Did it make me a better person? Am I now an adult? Am I wise? 
People, don't be ridiculous. I'll never reach adulthood, nor will I be refered to as wise (read previous paragraph if you doubt this statement). I guess I changed after this wonderful trip, and I think I know what I want and expect from life. Happiness is not something you can buy on the black market in Vladivostok, unfortunately - but I'll keep looking! Seeing different lousy cultures showed me than being European is awesome (even though the Euro currently sucks). 


I did realise something about myself. I had taken a class at the Kyoto University about the Japanese society - one of the only interesting classes. We had to think about the concept of nation and citizenship. I have a French ID and a British passport, a German driving licence, a fake asylum seeker ID and a stolen Portuguese hunter's licence. Which made me realise that I am everything and nothing at the same time. I called you freak at the beginning of this message, but you should be throwing stones at me for being such a weirdo.


So I am back in Berlin and saw wonderful things, met awesome people, and learned a bunch of new stuff. Discovered other ways of life, and was pleased to realise that no other country reaches the greatness of the French culture. Yes, you all suck! Which made me realise that I'm not entirely home yet. Sorry Deutschland, but France wins. Mostly because of the food! 


Quand reverrai-je, hélas, de mon petit village
fumer la cheminée; et en quelle saison
reverrai-je le clos de ma pauvre maison
qui m'est une province, et beaucoup davantage? 

If you can name the poet, I'll post a video of me pole-dancing! 



Next time, you'll know more about how shitty the Japanese universities are. Because they suck!!! 

3 months in a nutshell

Hello, suckers!

It's been a while. I had told myself before starting this shitty trip that I would force myself to post at least one message per week. Which I didn't, obviously, otherwise I would already have won the Nobel prize for literature and the Goncourt, not to forget the Tanizaki.

But you know how life works. Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans: I got caught up in other various things, like discovering the Japanese culture, traveling around, learning vocabulary - but mostly getting drunk and having fun. My liver had to work full time, so my brain and my writing abilities were kind of on a break, like Scruffy would say.

So here I am after 3 months of silence. I guess I lost the little audience I had managed to gather, and I doubt the 11 members who spontaneously enrolled are still around to follow my adventures... But somehow, like Mulder, I want to believe there is something out there. This blog is not dead! Let me give you a reason to read me again, to comment or to wire me money to pay me an Ipad (ou me le donner gratos, hein Jeremie?). Let me try to summarize my summer.

Where should I begin? First of all, I had a blast. I won't give too many details on what I did with whom (by the way, the post concerning the point number 5 is hereby declared void: after some deeper research, I can maintain that Japanese guys have much more to offer than what I thought), but basically I saw many places, had my sister visit, climbed Fuji (TWICE, bitch!), hitchhiked again and again, went to Korea, to the best open air hot springs in Japan (which also happen to be free, BITCH!), to some small islands... Unfortunately, the adaptor that recharges my computer died on me, so there won't be many pictures.

Quoting Bismark to emphasize my thoughts:

"Alles hat ein Ende - nur die Wurst hat zwei"

(translated in English: everything has an end, only a sausage has two),

I was forced to put an end to those delightful summer days. I swam a last time in the Pacific ocean, took a last breath of fresh air and then hopped in a ferry to dirty Tokyo where I met a friend with whom I would travel back to Europe, via the transsiberian train.  

This was 3 weeks ago. I had cleaned my room, mailed heavy stuff home and stuffed all my belongings in my backpack. I left Japan the 22nd of September, and I would lie if I said that my eyes contemplating the port of Sakaiminato, from which we left, were not soaked in tears of sadness and melancholy. Nostalgia for a country that I liked, loved, despised, adored, for a country that pissed me off like hell, that blessed me with happy days and expensive but delicious food, was a beautiful feeling that I felt on that boat, looking at the horizon and at that 'departed' stamp on my passport. Those days were over.

But this feeling was not meant to last - a group of Russian seamen going all the way to Vladivostok opened bottles of Cognac and Whisky, and put us in the moral obligation to drink them with us. And then it hit me: it was time to open a new page on that book of life: Russia!!! The hell with Japan!!! now it's time for cheap vodka, delicious fat and greasy food, impolite and rude people! And more important... I was on my way home!!! (Where I should have stayed, if you ask my advice)

I'm in Moscow right now and enjoying the rudeness of the people, the presence of trashcans everywhere and the cheapness of cheese, bread, vegetables, fruits, basically everything. AH! 

I'll get to tell you more about those things I did in Japan - one day... Or should I skip all this and continue with the Russian adventures? For all I know, you should run to the nearest synagogue, church, mosque, temple or cave, light a candle and pray that I will find the strength to continue writing those messages.

Anyway. I should go. Thanks for reading.

PS: Oh, and for the record, I did win that contest. Not the best prize, but enough to be proud of myself and to buy one month of beer. Thanks a lot to those who helped. And to those who didn't: you suck!