Don't cry for me, damn Argentinians

So I left Argentina yesterday and am now in Chile. I took a bus from Mendoza and after a 7h ride + waiting 2 hours at the Chilean border to get this damned passport stamped. Why did I take so long? Because those crazy Chilean people are kind of freaks. It's illegal to import fruits, vegetable, meat, cheese and other diary products that are not sealed. Wtf? Are they doing this to promote the national agriculture? Has the Chilean government so much money that it can afford to pay thousands of people to search through tourists' dirty underwear? By tourist, I mean myself, and by dirty underwear, I really mean it.

I had a pot of dulce de leche, which is milk jam: a traditional thing in Argentina, they are crazy about it, they put it on everything – everything? DAMN, haven't tried that... Too bad I left the country already. Anyway I had a sealed pot of dulce de leche, so it wasn't a big problem. What could have been a problem is the delicious mountain cheese I had forgotten. I thought about it at the very last minute, as trained dogs were approaching my bag and suspicious looks were rising to my direction. I pretended I had to go to the bathroom, hid in some dark place and quickly ate the cheese, then got back to the line as if everything was normal, even though my bad breath was a clear statement of my culpability. But nobody said anything – sometimes, bad breaths can avoid getting a fine. They still opened my backpack and asked me where I hid that apple they saw on the X rays screen – but I turned out they had mistaken it with my pot of hand cream. Nevermind.

After the San Juan failure, I realised that travelling alone is not always the best option for me. Not because I feel lonely: the CS I have and the people I meet in hostels prevent me from getting depressed to the extent of having to think about the meaning of life and get a plane ticket back home. When you travel alone, you are kind of forced to go talk to people, so that's not the problem.

Besides, travelling alone means not having to compromise on anything: you're the one deciding where you'll be going and what you'll be doing.

Which is also the problem for me: I sometimes take wrong decisions, due to my impulsivity. If I had had somebody by my side, I would never have landed in that San Juan dump. We would have had a talk about what to do, where the other person would have reasonned me and convinced me that I suck at taking decisions. Therefore I need somebody who can limit the damages of my impulsivity.

BUT there is a huge advantage when you travel alone. One that makes it up for everything. When you are alone, you can do things you couldn't do if you were with other people. Like making out with your local couchsurfer. Imagine this: you're being hosted by this hot couchsurfer, but hey you can't do anything because your boyfriend is sitting next to you. Imagine that: you are travelling with a friend and she ends up hooking up with the couchsurfer, leaving you obliged to turn up the volume of the TV to cover the sounds. Never been in the 2 last situations, and I must say I enjoy the idea of being free to do what ever I want with whoever I want.

Since I started the sex topic, I might as well continue. You remember the challenges I had imposed myself? Number 5 has been successfully achieved, and this during my last evening in Mendoza. It was a close shot! And from this one and only experience, I can say that all Argentines have nothing to envy to African people, and that they are into wild things. So go on girls, book your flight to Argentina and make sure you wear a raincoat. What, no pictures?

Let's see the others...

1- Stay vegetarian thing WIN

I managed to survive in Steakland without having to consume any meat – instead, stuffing myself with pizzas and empanadas. Death by cheese, death by cholesterol.

2- Take the train FAIL

I wanted to take 2 trains: one train from BA to Tucuman, and one train around Salta: The tren a las nubes, which looks kind of cool. 

Also called... THE DEATH TRAIN

BUT then those suckers told me that none will be possible: the first was fully booked for the next 109 years, and the tren a las nubes doesn't run from November to March. Thanks, lazy railway workers! Thanks for making my stay unforgettable! Losers.

3- Stay with CSers the whole time FAIL

Well, didn't work out fine, but it's normal. You can't expect CSers to live in remote places where you will need one. Actually I do expect that, but those morons prefer to live in cities. Anyway.

4- Keep myself out of trouble WIN – FAIL

If you forget the story of the 100 peso bill, then yes, I kept myself out of trouble, except the trouble I was looking for. Which leads me to n°5:

5- Make it with a local WIN

Do you need me to tell the whole story again? Perverts!

6- Try coca WIN

but with no notable effect. But still.

7- Do not talk to strangers WIN

Too shy!

8- Improve my foreign language knowledge WIN

this goes with an extra challenge: make a fool of myself. I was in this shop, trying to get some eggs, I thought the word for eggs was hueves. But it's huevos. So nobody understood – it went on for quite some time, me repeating the word and people not understanding me, and at some point, out of patience, I did the unbearable. I pulled my arms together and shouted 'cot cot cot CODAK!!', imitating a hen. Besides from losing the little pride and self respect I had left, it got the people to laugh at me. Mind you, I could have explained with small worlds what an egg is, or miming the action of breaking eggs to bake a cake, for instance; but no, I chose to mime a hen.

Actually, let's make it a rule for all the countries: except for n° 4, 6 and 7 (which kind of suck). Before leaving some place I'll make this list again with the results. For the record, I arrived yesterday in Chile but can already tick n°5 out. Not bad for a beginner! 

San Juan and challenges for life

Hello again! 

You might wonder why I write 2 messages in one day. Well, right now I'm in San Juan, elected in 2010 'most boring city ever', after Guimaraes in Portugal. San Juan is located on the way to Mendoza, my last stop in Argentina, so I felt like stopping there and visiting the Valle de la Luna. 

Paint, the love of my life.

Unfortunately, it appears that just one day to visit this damn valley is not enough, as it takes at least 4 hours to go from San Juan (why has Argentina got to be so big? I mean, I know that size matters, but sometimes smaller is better). And for a day trip, it's quite expensive. So Miss Cheapo decided she will spend tomorrow in the surroundings of San Juan, which aren't mentionned in any travel guides because... they don't have anything special. But hey, this is what being impulsive is about. First buy a bus ticket, then do the thinking (or remember the advice you got from locals who said it's nothing special)

So, I got to visit San Juan today, since my (night) bus from Salta arrived early in the afternoon. After 10 minutes I was already bored, so I did what I always do when I'm bored: eat. I bought myself a quater of a kilo of ice-cream and went to eat it in a park. And also kissed my self-will goodbye. 

Here's a few pictures of San Juan: 

Plant all the trees you want, this will still be ugly.

The main square... Even the Argentinian flag is depressed.

Actually I should have known: the small map/flyer I got from the tourist information office said 'San Juan, destroyed by an earthquake in 1944, has been rebuilt in a modern way'. Which means: San Juan used to be nice, then it got ugly, the Architects of the time sucked, shit happens. 

So, as I was eating my ice-cream (which didn't even taste that good: I'm doomed), I thought about things I told myself upon arrival in Argentina, wondered what had become of these challenges, and if I could still manage to fulfill them during the 3 or 4 days I still have left in Argentina. 

- Stay vegetarian

- Take the train 

- Stay with CSers the whole time 

- Keep myself out of trouble

- Make it with a local  

- Try coca 

- Do not talk to strangers 

- Improve my portugnol

Some are a lost cause, some still need some working on... If you have suggestions or mockeries, please let me know. Make me perform stupid activities. I'm up for anything, as long as they include humiliation and lost of pride!

Salta and Jujuy Province

Cheers!

I just spent 5 days in Salta and in the Jujuy province. If you have problems localizing it, start studying geography, or take a look at this map.

Made with Paint!

I stayed in total 3 nights in Salta with a couchsurfer, and 2 others in the Jujuy region, in the Quebrada de Humahuaca, which was wonderful, though very touristy.

Salta is very cute, and way worth the hemorroids I got from the busride (22 hours, remember? My ass remembers). The city is surrounded by the Andean cordillera and smaller hills from which you can get a good view. 

Of course It's always better on sunny days.

 To go all the way up (there is about a 1000 meters difference between the 'small' hill and Salta), you can either take the teleferico or take the stairs.

I wanted to take the stairs in order to stay fit, but then I realised I never was fit, so why start now?

Then I went marching up and down the main square 9 de Julio, which you would describe as 'of colonial style'. 

The Cabildo. Ok this picture was taken on a different day. Well done, Sherlock!

The Cabildo, center of the (former) colonial government

San Francisco church, which is also closed during the siesta. But it's cold inside a church! So go back to work, lazy priesters!

Even the hotels are colonial.

 Even the restaurants are colonial.

Then I went to visit the daughter of Rascar Capac, which is a cute little girl sacrificed during Inca times and discovered in some peak in the Cordillera near Salta, forgot the exact name. It won't ring a bell anyway. You can't take any pictures of the mummy, she's too camera shy. Interesting museum but quite expensive if you don't have the ISIC card (merci la gueuse by the way!)

The Cathedral, opposite the Cabildo.

Then took a 4 hours bus to Tilcara, in the middle of the Quebrada de Humahuaca (scroll up to the map if you need more details). Due to a lack of CS around Humahuaca, I broke a vow I made, and stayed in a hostel. Yes, can you imagine, me actually paying for something? Still can't believe it. But it was cool: no 'been there done that' arrogant bitch (so I had to step in and assume the rôle) but nice and interesting people.

It's in this hostel that I realized that Argentinian people are all thieves. When I draw some money out, I don't keep everything in my wallet but generally hide some notes in hand-proof places: my bra, for instance (still hand-proof, to my great misfortune). (If somebody wants to make a joke about the fact that there is enough space in my bra to hide a bar of gold, now's the moment)

So I had one 100 peso note (about 17€) in my bra when I arrived in the hostel. I left my bag and went for a nice hike (which was very nice, by the way).

Intermission... (with Hermoso peak)

Intermission....

 When I got back, I was all stinky and I decided in a very altruistic purpose to take a shower... Need to say more? The damn note fell without me noticing it, and I had forgotten about it, as I always have tons of hiding places – which is stupid, now I know it. When I realized my 'loss', 2 or 3 hours later, a bunch of people had already gone in and out the room. Needless to ask around. Gone.

And the best part is yet to come: as I went to the bathroom, I noticed 1 peso (0,17€) lying next to the mirror. The best part is that I took them and went to give it back to the girl who had just left the bathroom. The best part is that she said thanks, and THEN I thought, wow, I'm really a good person, would anybody do the same for me?

Funny how my mind unconsciously wanted to know the answer (For the record, nobody came to give me the note back).

So now I can say that Argentinian people are all thieves. I mean, only 50% of the people in the hostel at that time were Argentinian, but hey, it happened on Argentinian soil, so that will do. 

Goodbye, sweet prince.

Beside this unlucky social experiment, I had a lot of fun. Nature, at last! 

As you can see, the vegetation is very different...

...and has the ability to express itself.

I went on a hike to the Garganta del Diabolo, which is a gorge in Tilcara.

At that moment my bra was still rich

What's behind?

Oh... what'ever.

Hello, do I know you?

On the second day, went to Purmamarca and the 7 colors hills, 

7 colors hills. I'm sure they painted them for the show 'pimp my hill'

The view is nicer on the other side of the river. 

That was close!!!

I then went to Humahuaca which doesn't have much to do for just a few hours. There are still some hikes around I guess, but time was laking.

On the way to the Quebrada, I noticed a railway line next to the road, obviously in a bad state and out of order.

Soooo romantic.

The Britons must have build the line, and this is how Argentina takes care of it? What will happen of the Falklands islands if we give them back to you? You people don't deserve them!

Back in Salta for a last day, I went to a free concert of classical music (Campioni) in the 'provincial Theater' as they call it. Those people don't have a good sense of PR: lesson n°1: keep it low that you are not in the capital but in the province. Anyway, the concert was perfect!

Then I met my CS in a small 'kosque' directly in the main Plaza: every saturday, dancers meet there to practice Tango, and there are boxes playing tango music (well they can't really dance tango on David Guetta's 'Titanium', can they?) 

So you think you can dance.

Afterwards we went to a bar/restaurant/house where people, groups, friends, drunk people meet, bring their guitar and sing typical folklore songs of the Salta Province. The guy next to me was having coca leaves, so I took off one layer of clothes, made sure my breast was presentable and asked if I could have some to try. He gave some to me but barely looked at me, which kind of affected my ego.

You are supposed to stuff the coca on one side of the mouth without chewing on it (which is why you look like a squirrel)

Or did they just had their wisdom teeth removed?

I guess the guy was just showing off and eating tea leaves, because I didn't feel any effect. But damn, could he sing well!

See you around, suckers! 

From BA to Salta

So right now I'm in the hall of a hotel in Salta, stealing the Wifi. Well I offered to pay something, but the manager refused. Was I supposed to insist, to force him to accept? Well I didn't, so he probably thinks that French people are cheap, but I spared a few pesos so it's all good!

You might wonder why I look like an old fart

Instead of taking the train from Buenos Aires to Salta, I took a bus. There are only 2 trains per week, and are so cheap that everybody (well... poor people actually) want to travel by train. Though it's not comfy and nice, I still wanted to experience it, but that will be for next time...

Hence: the bus. Night bus, to be more precise. 22 hours, from 4pm till 2pm. The bedsore process has started already! No pictures, sorry.

It was quite ok, it's a bus where the seats are adjustable (almost up to a lying position)

This is NOT me, just some picture I found on internet (I forgot to take pictures). FYI my armpits are slightly less hairy.

I had my best friends forever with me: earplugs. Though it's not enough to cover the sound of the DVDs they played: some piece of crap with Vin Diesel, and then something like the Fantastic 4. Loud and in spanish: the best for you!

Food was ok, actually not really, now that I think about it. But for free, so hey, I'm not going to complain.

All of these are made in Argentina and taste accordingly.

We had an escalope milanaise-wannabe (among other things), so I kindly offered it to my neighbour, who looked at me as if I was God himself. After that he was suddenly very kind to me and helped me with my seatbelt which was stucked. Moral of the story: being vegetarian saves lifes!

Other thing: it was 25°C in BA, but inside the bus, 17°. They like air conditioning here. I blessed the inventor of socks (to which I dedicate this article)! But then they distributed blankets, so I thanked the inventor of blankets. And then I wondered, for one tiny second, wouldn't it be more simple to turn off the air con? But, I thought, perhaps the lobbies of air con, socks and blankets are very powerful and influent around here. So I didn't complain and fell asleep like a piglet, after carefully hiding my belongings in different parts of my body (still no pictures).

Now I'm just waiting for my other Couchsurfer, but I'm not as tired as before. 

Fresh start for the old fart

By the way: it's raining like hell around here!

La Boca (not the one near Cannes)

Hi people! 

Today was very sunny so I wore my sluttiest T-shirt to get tanned and walked around in the old neighbourhoods of San Telmo and La Boca, both equivalent of Kreuzberg and the Lower East Side during the shadiest times.

In San Telmo, there is a cute street flea market each sunday. Some street stands are selling (self proclaimed) antique stuff, 

Look on the upper left corner of the picture, you'll see a nice bird about to poo on the antique stuff.

- Is this antique? - For you baby, it could be

 

But mostly people sell ugly jewellery that even my feet could have done. The houses are all small, 2stores high max, but they look beautiful, and everything has a certain charm (ou un charme certain, comme dirait l'autre).

No, I can't take good pictures. Sorry about that.

I could write something about the story of the neighbourhood, but I'm too lazy, and I'm sure you don't care about it anyway.

Then... I took a bus to La Boca. It's not that far, I could have walked (and spared 0,17€ of bus fare). But La Boca is rated on the Dime Out Buenos Aires as one of the best place to get mugged, even if you stay on the big avenue (I personally find the 'dime out' joke very funny, but perhaps the sunburn I have makes me delirious). 

 

There is one place to visit in La Boca: this. They painted the metal sheets of some houses in the area, so that the flashy colours will make forget their crappiness, and at some point it became THE thing to see in BA. 

Before 'Pimp my house'

After 'Pimp my house'

La Boca is a place where you can sip the real, authentic Argentinian culture and way of life. I mean, they even have people dancing tango.

Low season for Tango

 The touristy things to see are within a grid of perhaps 5 blocks, where you can find shops, restaurants, cafés, other shops, other restaurants, and so on. 

According to the not-hot guy on the pictures, the shoes are made in Argentina.

Let's have a deep frozen pizza and some Coca Cola, this place is definitely for locals.

 There are also small stands, where people can help you if you want to see a real, authentic tango show, and the police makes sure everybody is safe.

Extras on the set of the clip 'I'm sexy and I know it'

The streets are paved, the bike lanes are new, there are trash cans everywhere. Everybody is happy!

Well, by everybody, I mean the tourists and the town hall, happy that cash is flowing. Who wouldn't be happy about it? The locals, the ones who are not lucky enough to work one of the restaurants in the grid? The ones who don't benefit from the whole area? Come on. They are poor, remember? Who cares about them? 

 

Because if you try to cross over, well... life kind of ends. There is basically nothing to see: no happy-colours house, no joycefull restaurants, nothing. The pavement is uneven, houses are more or less unoccupied. Back to real life. Where did the real, authentic Argentinian experience go?

There is even some kind of warning when you are about to cross the border to the real life.

I'm not saying everybody should go out there and get mugged. I just went a few meters in the no-man's land, took a few pictures and quickly turned back, more than happy that I managed not to wet my pants. 

I'm just saying. Open your eyes. Sure the colours look nice, everybody would agree (except the Gothic and the colour-blind people), but it's fake, sterile, impersonal... Mainstream. (By the way, this is not me saying I'm not mainstream - I have a blog, ergo I am – but hey, I don't go on saturdays to Ikea and don't listen to U2, so I could be worse) 

 

So, again, my advice: get a brain. Travelling is about learning to think by yourself. It's not because a lot of people visit a place that it's worth it!

See you around!

PS: In response to a last unfortunate comment, here's a picture of some of the animals around here. Enjoy. 

The zoom doesn't work that well, damn!!

First stop: Argentina

Greetings, friends and strangers!! 

So as you may not wonder, I arrived safely in Buenos Aires, Argentina. It's summer in South America (for more information about seasons in the world, check Wikipedia), which means it's about 25°C and sunny. (In your face, Berlin friends! Still freezing your asses off?)

After a long and not that comfortable 13 hour flight (where they didn't distribute free headsets for the in-flight films, me being too cheap to buy some and too stupid to have taken some from home, hence the discomfort), the plane landed in BA. Nothing much interesting to say, I have a nice new visa on my passport, my bag didn't get lost, the customs didn't see the cocaine I had hidden in my bra (Note to the Argentinian customs agent reading this: this is not true), so it's all good.

First sips of BA, not necessarily in this order:

Nice, laid-back, retro atmosphere. Hard to say why or how. You can feel you're not in cold, frigid Europe anymore.

No, wait, that's not my point.

 

THIS is what I mean by 'retro'

  

 

Relic of the time when McDonalds was just the name of a poor scottish farmer

 

Press the buttons and run fast!

Picture taken from the Starbucks opposite

 
Numerous hot guys everywhere. (YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!) Well, a huge bunch of people are still ugly, don't get me wrong (probably due to immigration waves from Bolivia). 
(no pictures, sorry, but this is not a porn site)

 

Traffic, traffic, traffic all the time. 

BA is supposed to make efforts to reduce the car use and promote public transportation, but it's not enough. It's noisy everywhere. Cycling is fun (we went on an hour ride last weekend), but not recommended during weekdays.... There are some cycling lanes, but not enough, and not all are separated from the cars.

At least they have trees

Weird architecture mix. Some beautiful Parisian style buildings next to modern ugliness. Why? Sad to think that the city was entirely like this before. Everything was better before, anyway. 

Old school

Old school 2

This building is named 'WTF?'

 

On the left: the embassy of the GDR

 Food here is great! Argentinian ice cream is waaay worth the weight you'll put on. Almost as good as the Berthillon one. Definitely the second best I ever ate. People who think Italian ice cream is the best are either Italian or tasteless (which is more or less the same).

The same for Argentinan wine: I only tasted red until now (and believe me when I say I will personally conduct a field study on this topic), and it's damn good.

They have small 'pies' / 'quiches' called Empanadas filled with delicious things, such as cheese or vegetables (most likely meat actually, but meat is for losers). Forget your diet, Argentinian food is supposed to be the most calorific in the world (just looked online for confirmation and can't find anything about it, so it might be a fake; but judging from my waistline after one week here, I would believe it)

Appealing fat

So, people, that's it for now. Nothing crappy happened yet, but it just started, so don't worry, there will be enough weird stories coming up! 

Thanks for reading!